


Back to the start (again, again)

by TheBreezeAtDawn



Series: Time is relative(ly insane) [1]
Category: Naruto, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Gen, Hopeful Ending, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, My First Fanfic, One Shot, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:07:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23937367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBreezeAtDawn/pseuds/TheBreezeAtDawn
Summary: Katsuki wakes up from a nightmare as Kakashi, and wishes he didn't have to remember all the pain he went through.
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou, Hatake Kakashi & Maito Gai | Might Guy, Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Series: Time is relative(ly insane) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802032
Comments: 14
Kudos: 165





	Back to the start (again, again)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I really don't know what I'm doing! Hopefully someone enjoys this, though, it was mostly self-indulgent. There's nothing explicit with the relationship, and it could be interpreted as just friends too!

His quirk was nothing like _chidori,_ nothing like the seething, roiling mass of lightning that shrieked like a thousand birds, but that didn't matter to his dreams. He woke up from the nightmare with a scream of rage and hopelessness, with sparks hissing and leaping off his fingers, and phantom blood dripping from his palms. He shot up only to sink back and sit on his heels on his bed, sheets bunched up and around him. Rin's face drifted, ghostlike, in the dark night air in front of him. Her eyes were narrowed and accusing like they'd never been in life, and blood dribbled from her mouth that was twisted in a grimace and a snarl.

"I'm sorry, _I'm sorry, God, Rin, I'm so sorry…"_ he babbled helplessly to the figment until his throat was sore with the sobs that tore themselves out between apologies. His hands reached tentatively through the air, never quite far enough to actually touch, because he'd just hurt her again _he'd kill her again._ He wished he didn't remember this. Selfishly, Kakashi wished that he could have just gone on blissfully unaware of his past life, but no. Because he was Hatake Kakashi and Bakugou Katsuki; son of the White Fang, friend-killer, Hound, last Hatake wolf, Rokudaime, failure sensei, and now he was a hero in training that was closer to a villain, an angry teenager who left destruction in his wake, _a failureafailure again againagainagain a failure._

He went to sleep that past night as a teenager in new dorms, expecting more nightmares of being kidnapped. He awoke early that morning screaming and clawing and exploding out of a nightmare that was all too true. 

Obito and Minato-sensei's judging faces joined Rin, Obito as a child before Kakashi had failed and let him be twisted by Zetsu's machinations. He wasn't even saying anything anymore, just gasping out air as tears soaked his mask and fell to the bedsheets, mouthing words he could barely think.

_My fault, my fault, ohgoditwasallmyfault._

His hallucinations disappeared, and oh, he's breaking, isn't he? This is what it is. His mind had always had a tenuous grasp on reality, even the Yamanaka had been weary to venture in there. He'd skipped out of psych checks as often as he could manage, and lied to more psychiatrists than he could remember. Now, in a new world where he had already screwed up, in a world where he was expected to go through life all again and all alone, he was cracking. He was breaking.

Friend-killer Kakashi was slipping away.

His cute little students' faces drifted up in his memory, and he allowed a smile that, somehow, they had turned out alright. Even with him as a sensei.

The ponderance away from the slide into guilt-driven insanity let him hear, for the first time, the frantic knocking at his door.

_Oh. Shitty-hair. Kirishima._

Kirishima was so much like Gai it hurt sometimes. He wanted his friend, the person who kept him from completely shattering in his past life, the only person he'd been actually able to help and have a healthy relationship with. He wanted Gai here, now, with a sudden aching that left his stomach feeling empty and his heart too heavy.

Kirishima was great, and his talk of _Manliness!_ was familiar, but he wanted to hear _Eternal Rival!_ and _The Springtime of our Youth!_ again. He wouldn't even complain too much about the green.

The knocking grew frantic, and he could hear Kirishima calling through the door, begging to be let in. Kakashi- _Katsuki_ \- guessed that that made sense, considering how loud his quirk had been and all of the yelling he'd been doing.

It was hard to get up and open the door- it was like he could _feel_ his psyche drifting away through the cracks of his shattered mind. The world seemed distant. In the few feet between his bed and the door, Kakashi let himself hope. It wasn't something he did often.

But if he hoped hard enough, maybe he would be in Konoha and it _would_ be Gai at his door, here about another challenge. Even in a wheelchair, Gai never gave up. Gai was ahead, last Kakashi remembered. Of course he'd want to give his rival a chance to tie up the score.

It was this dumb hope, this fleeting daydream after a short rest full of nightmares, that led to Kakashi opening the door on the anxious red-head, looking up into his red eyes, and asking, quietly, like he knew and feared the answer,

" _Gai?"_

Kakashi, Katsuki- whoever he was now- watched in dread as Kirishima cocked his head to the side. Oh, he hadn't really meant to say that out loud.

He just wanted him here, wanted with a grief that felt like it pulled at his very soul, wanted the person who had never given up on him, even when he lost himself to the darkness of ANBU, wanted in a way that was bone-deep and brought him back to being a child crying at a disgraced grave.

But, for all of the few times Kakashi had allowed himself to hope, they must've let him down in order to allow for this moment. This twist in fate, this singular, perfect, beautiful moment where, for once, the universe wasn't shitting on him. Because Kirishima smiled until all sign of worry was washed from his face, smiled so bright it was like the sun coming out, and even with those shark teeth, Kakashi knew that smile.

"KAKASHI!" and Kakashi didn't even care how loud he was, how early it was, because- "MY DEAREST RIVAL!" - Gai was here. _He's actually here._

The tension fell from Kakashi's frame and he collapsed forward into Gai, tears restarting as his heart lightened in his chest. His mind slipped back to the present.

(He should probably get a therapist, he didn't think he was as far gone in this life as he had been the last one. Best to nip that in the bud.)

" _Gai_ " he breathed out, and went boneless. Gai let out a happy, relieved laugh and let Kakashi lean his whole weight against him. He slipped an arm around his waist and helped him back into his room.

With a flick of the switch, the lights were on.

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone who has left a kudos or comment, thank you! It means so much to me that you enjoyed this 😁


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